Out with the negative!

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Gas-lit

Know your worth in a world full of jealousy

We all have those ‘friends’.

The ones who say things like ‘Oh, your kids are so slim. LOL. They certainly don’t get THAT from you”, or “Wow, that dress is so pretty, it would look great on someone slimmer”, “Gosh, your pictures are pretty, you must have a great camera”.

As women, we are bombarded every day by perfect-looking bodies; in magazines, on the TV, on billboards, even the families in adverts stuffing themselves with fast-food are the perfect shape, size and age. So many of us buy into that. Every time we step on the scale, we groan inwardly and try to back-calculate and see if it could be water weight, or maybe the extra helping we had yesterday? We knock off a pound or two, because ‘maybe I am just bloated’.

The unrealistic expectations for our bodies have never been higher, social media has fueled this to unreachable heights. Even photographers in my own industry, an industry that is supposed to promote and empower women of all ages and sizes, regularly only post photos of their clients that are slim, young, and fit. Not a wrinkle or a lump in sight. The average size for a woman in the US is now between a 16 and an 18 - how many ‘average sized’ women do you see on billboards, in magazines, and on the catwalks? How many do you see in that facebook boudoir ad, on that wedding website? Women who don’t fit Hugh Hefner’s concept of beauty are still being sidelined and told that they aren’t enough.

But, to add insult to injury, now, you have ‘friends’ who project their own insecurities onto a woman they see as a soft target, making backhanded compliments - and then defending themselves as “I am real, I am just being honest”.

So, as a woman, a mom, a grandma, how do we deal with the haters? How do we deal with the people that make sly comments, who give you the up-and-down in the grocery store? Who think you are LESS, just because you are you? Who treat you as less because they feel insecure?

You hold one fact in your head - that’s it, just one fact:

You are perfect the way you are.

You have people that love you - not because you are skinny, hot and wealthy… because you are you. In all your cellulite, wrinkle-covered glory, with all of your grey hairs, and weirdness. They love you for that weird thing that you do, not the number on a scale. They love you for your heart size, not your bust size.

Next time you look in the mirror, do me a favor.

Really look.

Stare at the bits you have been skipping over for years; that extra roll, that scar, that wrinkle that wasn’t there until recently. Run your hands over those bits - and turn around, spin if you like - find an angle that you love, a piece of you that you love - find a way to see the beauty in you that everyone else sees.

Don’t wait until you have lost weight, don’t wait until that time in the future where you think you will hit your goal and automatically feel better...

Do it now.

Walk out into the world with that image in your head and a smile on your face and know that when you believe in yourself, the world will believe in you too.

Empower yourself. Don’t wait for others to do it for you.

  • None of my boudoir ladies are models, every lady you see on my instagram or here on my website is a mom, a grandma, a woman, just like you and me.